2 Samuel 13:37
One
of the biggest difficulties to resolve is relational discord. When there are
unaddressed feelings of angst or irritation with a family member, friend, or an
associate it can lead us down an unenviable path emotionally. Unhealthy
thoughts and actions tend to flow from broken personal connections. It churns a
bitter spirit when we are caught up in it. We see this reality so powerfully
displayed in Scripture. David encountered a domestic ordeal that practically
tore his family, and the kingdom of Israel, apart. 2 Samuel 13-19 documents a
tragic narrative of envy, rape, disregard, deception, revenge, and revolt. Remarkably,
all of this generated from within David’s own lineage.
2
Samuel 13:1 notes that Amnon, David’s son, fell in love with one of his
half-sisters: Tamar. Unfortunately, Amnon’s version of love was actually lust.
Love is caring; lust is cruel and cold. Evidently, Amnon became obsessed with
Tamar. Amnon’s fascination of Tamar was so strong that he eventually conjured
up a deceitful plan to be alone with Tamar by faking sickness. He requested
Tamar’s help, which King David agreed to. Tamar went to Amnon’s residence,
believing him to be genuinely ill. But Amnon soon forced himself upon Tamar and
raped her. He disgraced Tamar, his family, and himself. All for the sake of
temporary pleasure.
Tamar
was devastated by this shameful event. Her standing as a virgin of reputable
quality was instantly shattered and stolen from her. She wept at the tragic
turn her life had just taken and became a desolate woman. Tamar’s brother,
Absalom, took Tamar into his home and sheltered her. In the process, Absalom learned
what Amnon did to Tamar and slowly plotted his means of vengeance. Two years
later, Absalom found a way to strike back at Amnon. He arranged a special feast
for King David, his sons, and the royal officials. David refused the
invitation, but obliged Absalom’s request for the king’s sons to be present.
When Amnon was drunk with wine Absalom had some of his companions kill Amnon
right in front of the entire audience. Panic and confusion quickly set in.
Everyone fled. The initial report that was given to David was that all of his
sons were dead, except for Absalom, but the report was hastily amended to
confirm that only Amnon had died. Absalom bolted out of Jerusalem, and David
mourned deeply for Absalom.
What
is absent throughout this entire biblical account is David’s dealings with
Amnon, Tamar, or Absalom. Did David know that Amnon had raped Tamar? If so,
what did he say, or do, as a result? The fact that Amnon still had good
standing as a prince of Israel two years after his rape of Tamar implies that
if David did know about what had transpired he did little to nothing about it.
As a father and as a king, David had an obligation to address this matter. He
should have publicly acknowledged that Tamar did not relinquish her virginity
out of wedlock willingly; it was robbed from her in a disgusting and devious
act by Amnon. David should have offered Tamar a welcomed stay in his palace.
And David should have revoked many, if not all, of the privileges that Amnon
enjoyed as a royal, since he abused his position in the family, and kingdom, in
a repulsive fashion. But we do not read that any of this took place. How
differently would all of this turned out had David dealt with the matter
personally?
Wounds
left open to fester do not heal - they worsen. Absalom was a son largely
ignored by his father. Absalom was not taught, or shown, how to exercise
spiritual discipline and forgiveness. So he reverted to the natural tendency of
a man without relational borders. He sought power, hoping it would usher in
some twisted sense of retaliation. Absalom’s disgust for David was so intense
that he upended Israel’s governance arrangement without remorse or hesitation.
He caused his father, a king, to go into exile for a time. Because David did
not express or communicate love to Absalom, Absalom did not respect his father,
or David’s God-given authority and stature.
It
is one thing to be merciful; it is quite another to be unwilling to address
injustice and wickedness, especially within one’s immediate family structure.
When it came to the enemies of Israel David had no reservations defending God’s
name or pursuing restitution for wrongs committed. But when it came to the
iniquities of family members and friends David seemed hesitant to confront such
issues. Trying to sweep matters under the rug, so-to-speak, or ignoring them
altogether, does not bring about restoration or resolution. Such misguided
conduct only prolongs the problem and enlarges the scope of damage. In all areas
of our life we must seek to honor God, and call out non-virtuous behavior that
occurs in and around us. It is not easy, but it is right.
In summary, unresolved discord produces unstable relationships. It regenerates friction and strife. It damages and destroys connections. It denies opportunities for peace or relational repair. Therefore, we, as God’s followers, need to be beacons of truth and pillars of love. We need to exercise compassion and patiently combat human fury with godly faith. We need to address iniquity in our homes and seek to mend broken hearts. We need to be vocal when we see, or hear, wrongful conduct occurring around us. We need to shine God’s holy light in a dark world. We need to be true to our commitment to God, and honor the desire to bring glory to His great name.
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