The Marvel of a Mature Marriage

“Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.” 
Song of Songs 8:7

Marriage has become one of the most underappreciated and maligned institutions in the modern-day culture. Long-standing marital values are practically challenged at every possible opportunity. To some, marriage is regarded as too old-fashioned, outdated, or traditionalist. To others, it is viewed as an unnecessary requirement, and offers little-to-no significant emotional or spiritual benefit. Therefore, many men and women willfully choose to pursue the benefits of a wedded life without the underlying commitment or pledge to cherish the one they are with, no matter what may happen. When there is an unstated exit clause to a spousal-like relationship it does not promote fidelity or faithfulness. But God had a much different paradigm when He created Adam and Eve. Per Genesis 2:22-24, the original woman was literally made from Adam’s body. God did this to signify the symbolic unity and cohesion that is meant to be fashioned through a husband and wife. 

Although Adam and Eve were the forerunners of matrimony another biblical passage highlights the natural splendor that marriage can, and should, evoke: Song of Songs. This Scriptural book epitomizes romantic communication and connection. It highlights the relational progression that beautifully transforms friends into spouses. Through this account we see the advancement of a couple through various phases: intrigue, interest, interaction, investment, and finally marital intimacy. The exchanges between the man and woman in this story are edifying, extravagant, and exotic. But the exchanges begin with shared glances and complimentary speech (Song of Songs 1). As the book unfolds the dialogue becomes more personal and passionate (Song of Songs 2). As their knowledge of one another deepens the couple’s association intensifies (Song of Songs 3). A wedding is soon planned and performed (Song of Songs 4). But the couple later experiences an argument, which causes them to part ways momentarily (Song of Songs 5). But then the husband and wife reunite and affirm the affection they signified through their wedding ceremony and vows (Song of Songs 7-8). 

There are two primary aspects to this biblical account worth reviewing: the sanctity of marriage and the struggles of marriage. Regarding the sanctity of marriage realize that there comes a point in a courting relationship when two people know they are equally ready to establish a commitment and solidify this passion by entering into marriage. But sometimes this longing can be snuffed out when one person in the relationship is immature or lacks the conviction to honor the bond as it develops. Song of Songs 2:7b provides this sober warning: do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. In other words, do not outpace the obligation that a marital union will someday require. God established the institution of marriage, along with its essential covenantal, binding structure. But so many people possess the enthusiasm for attraction and romance, but not the maturity or discipline to earnestly exercise sacrificial love. Many courtships break off at some point for this reason. But with time comes knowledge, understanding, patience, and appreciation. The couple portrayed in Song of Songs knew what they had and did not want to awaken love until it was ready to be fully shared and expressed in marriage.   

Regarding the struggles of marriage realize that marriage is certainly not without hardship. In fact, conflict plays a prominent role in the Song of Songs narrative, particularly in Song of Songs 5:2-8. The hesitancy of one spouse to respond to the other aggravated the husband to the point of leaving. The wife then searched for her mate, but to no avail. Clearly, as wonderful as the institution of marriage is it is still challenging and demanding. Hurtful words and actions will eventually be exchanged. But how such emotional wounds are dealt with says a lot about the integrity and character of the couple. And the couple in Song of Songs did eventually resolve their differences. They did not abandon the fervent oath they gave to one another, thus showing God’s followers that reconciliation is necessary to stoking the embers of marriage. So even in marital strife a complimentary and committed mindset should be present (Song of Songs 6:3). Although we may be tempted to jettison a spouse when times are tough this is not the proper conduct of love. Love is covenantal and does not entertain weak, halfhearted behavior. Through all storms love can hold and hold fast. It does not seek to push away, but, instead, pull in. It does not hinder; it heals. It does not exclude; it includes.              

In short, the Song of Songs is a love story - a story that follows the introduction of a man and a woman, and follows it all the way through to the satisfying conclusion of matrimony between the two. This tale is novel and endearing. The communication between the man and woman drips with tender expressions. So the question then becomes why can’t all marriages share this excitement and vibrant affection? The man and woman in the Song of Songs account partook in a relationship that was strong and secure. When the mutual desires for faith, closeness, and servanthood are conveyed and carried out a marriage will be able to withstand the trials and tests of life. So often marriage is treated as some unpleasant partnership, where personalities and egos collide with great force. But Song of Songs, like other biblical sections, gives believers tremendous hope by showing us how amazing a marriage can be when God’s love holds it together. Marriage will not be without adversity. But it should always possess two-way affection, kindness, thoughtfulness and closeness. Truly, a mature marriage is something to behold and marvel.